I needed someone to tell me
I was beautiful
I was smart
You never thought to tell me
You let me fall
Believing the words of an earlier fiend
When I should have been believing you.
one hundred wordsSometime I don’t know who she is. She seems like a fairy, like one gasp of the wind will take her away from me. I watch her, and the look on her face is one of a great distance, her mind somewhere I can’t even reach, even as I hold her in my arms.
I am afraid. I don’t want any space between us, no matter how small or insurmountable.
I love you.
She tilts her head up to look at my face. When our eyes meet, she smiles. My smile. “I love you too,” she says. “I am yours.”
MonstersI’m hiding under the bed, but
Don’t say anything, please.
The blanket is like a curtain,
Like on that stage we went to see.
With the dancers,
Your mummy took us and we stood outside in the cold for hours.
Or maybe it wasn’t hours.
Why am I under the bed?
I wanted to know if monsters were under there.
You told me they did, though it might have been Lolly
Or Becky, or Jay.
Anyway, there aren’t.
I searched from corner to corner and bumped my head on the top because I tried to stand up,
But I couldn’t, because of the bed.
Don’t tell anyone
I think the real monsters live above me see,
I can hear them screaming at each other.
Sometimes I think I hear mommy, but it can’t because mummy promised
I could have a chocolate before dinner for being good and
Because of the monsters.
If mummy was there then she would stop the monsters
And then I could have my chocolate for being a good girl
Like mummy said.
When you told me you loved meYou told me you loved me on a night like this. There was a tension in the air, so thick that walking into it was like slamming into a wall, and it crackled, as fire crackles, and sparks, and spits. That night, we stood, shoulder to shoulder, watching the lightning whip out across the sky. My hand was in your hand, my face in your eyes as you glanced down at me, blazing iridescent in the crack of light. You told me you loved me as thunder boomed overhead; I pretended I hadn't heard the words you said. Inside, my heart pounded louder than the orchestra of the storm.
Tonight, you stand across from me. The air around us is tighter than any coiled spring, crackling and burning, laughing at us. The sky outside the window is dark and starless; an empty curtain that lays over our world.
Tonight, you tell me you're in love with someone else. I can pretend I haven't heard you, but the pain, and the conviction, both lay side by side on your face. As I glare into your eyes, there's only darkness t
The NightmareThe nightmare hides behind my eyelids. I try to refuse it, curling onto my side and clutching the sheets in clawed fingers, warding it away with my tense body. But I feel it's heavy presence, waiting for me still.
Hanging on my bedpost like a tangled spider, the dream catcher rustles it's beaded arms. There are more, hanging on hooks around my bedroom, some smaller than others, handmade and bought. An army of soldiers to watch me struggle beneath the oppression of my fears.
I moan and tangle myself in the duvet. The first tendrils of darkness creep through me and wrap around my fighting body, before dragging me deep, deep into it's clutches. In the bed, my arm lashes out, my knuckles slamming into the wall. The pain resounds through my unconsciousness, but does not free me. I'm already caught. Already drowning.
I'm trapped in a rolling sea of shadows, alone, blind and deaf. I scream, perhaps, but the darkness invades my mouth. I cry, and the salty tears are swept away, just like me.
Through the windowI press my hand to the glass and spread my fingers wide.
I watch you do the same;
Me on my side, and you on the other.
My breath mists the window between us,
But I can still see the brilliance
Of each star in your eyes.
My, aren't the stars beautiful?
Daddy's voice"Why are you crying, mommy?" The boy looked at his mother's face, concern welling from the depths of his innocent, star bright eyes.
She smoothed down his wild hair, smiled. "Because, my son, I heard your daddy's voice."
With curiosity, the boy turned to the trees across from them where the wind called. He thought he heard something, but it was only the sound of rustling leaves and the twitter of a bird. "What did he say?"
His mother looked up. The sunlight fell upon her face in gentle, caressing waves, pooling in her tears until they shimmered like drops of silver. "Can't you hear him?" The boy listened harder, and though he could hear the whistle of a car, trailing up the distant road, and the soft bubbling laughter of the river, whatever his mother could hear remained hidden to him. "I can't hear him."
She gathered him into her arms. "He said 'I love you.'"
The boy, in the comfort of his mother's embrace, pressed his ear to her chest. And there, playing in every beat of her heart, h
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.
I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:
"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"
Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?
To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.
Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,
Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,
And yet you lie awake.
Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...
Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.
Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,
And genuinely fear for your safety?
Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,
I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.
At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.
That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...
But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,
Be it my pride or dignity.
You may throw insults at me,
And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.
You may belittle me, as much as you want,
If only to make your meager life worth living.
But even if you do all that...
No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.
No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.
No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,
Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place...
"Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-
could only hurt
anyone who got
she held what
i'd haunt you if you'd like.my hands are paralyzed and you're waiting for me to touch your face,
but that doesn't really matter because i'd rather touch your soul
and if you close your eyes long enough i'll read you poetry as we lay atop the monkeybars
in this old and rusted park
you can pretend to know the constellations and point them out to me and i'll tell you they're all beautiful, but nothing compared to you
if i'm lucky you'll blush and laugh at me,
tell me i say the dumbest things but deep down it'll register in your soul just how much i love you
and i know they say you can only save yourself, but darling i swear if you'll just have the slightest bit of faith i'll save the fuck out of you or i'll destroy myself trying,
because i honestly can't think of any other purpose for my life
or what smidge of it i've been able to hold on to.
Hopeful HeartThe sky is pitch black
And so is my heart
After all the pain
I went through
After all the effort
For a lost cause
So I look up
Looking for a star
A ray of light
To guide me away
Away from this darkness inside my heart
You have to know pain to....Sometimes you have to fall apart.
You have to bleed out,
In order to have the courage to shout.
Against the darkness.
You have to know what it's like,
To feel disconnected,
To be best friends with your anxiety,
Because it's the only thing to keep you company.
Because you've never felt so lonely.
Even though you're surrounded in a sea of noise,
Which drowns out your voice.
As you choke,
On society's noose
You're afraid to cut it loose.
Because you don't know what others will think of you.
You have to know depression.
You have to know what it's like to be alone.
You have to know what it's like to be silenced.
In order to appreciate breathing,
And to fall in love with colors.
After being blind,
For all of that time.
And only being able to see memories,
In order to appreciate a person's presence.
And the feeling,
When you finally find a friend.
Who will stick with you until the end.
And not judge you for your scars.
But loves who you are.